That Was a Crazy Game of Poker: Castle of the Keys

Admittedly, I have been forsaking my blog a bit and if anyone actually looks at this regularly, I apologize. I actually have a few topics to post so let's start with my reaction to unboxing the Hordes High Command expansion, Castle of the Keys. We'll start with the box.

At first glance, this box looks chock full o' good shit. There are some great new cards including new Winds of War cards that give you a more diverse assortment of turn bonuses. All of the factions ended up getting some fun things as well. All in all, I have been pleased with the progression the expansions have taken. They add just enough to not be daunting as far as learning curve and enough to allow you new strategies in deck building. So back to the box. Lets open it up.

LOOK OUT! IT'S A SCORPION! Unlike Daenerys Targaryen, I did not have Sir Barristan to swat away the trap inside. I refuse to play any Level 7 game. I don't know what's worse; opening this box and finding this or opening a Cards Against Humanity deck and pulling the tired joke of the "big black dick" card out first. I can't explain why I am so anti-Level 7 but I am. It may have to do with the unrelenting jamming of it down our throats. On the last Primecast, they teased at the beginning about sticking around to the end for this big announcement. Surprise, surprise, sand in your eyes: Level 7 advertisement starring the most annoying thing to come out of Privateer Press, Insider 51. The segment was painful to listen to and I actually turned it off shortly after see the ploy pan out.  Anyways, after pulling away the shameless promotion, the cards are revealed.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!? That's it? So let me get this straight. You made the box that big to make sure the Level 7 promo pamphlet made it in there? I can hear the fucking trees that gave their lives to make this box screaming right now. I could really use an explanation for this and I really hope the answer isn't "that's my dick in a box."